What I got for Christmas

Ive done something a little bit different, took the plunge & finally decided to film my very first video.
Ive wanted to film videos for ages and I love watching other vlogs and videos over on youtube and have finally taken the plunge and filmed a video. 
Pardon the lighting as this video was filmed this evening as it is neigh on impossible to film a video during the day with my little one running around lol.
I hope you like it and please give it a little thumbs up if you do :)


Christmas round up

I feel a bit fraudulent typing "Merry Christmas" even though were only 3 days past the big day itself. To me once Christmas day is over the whole lot is over and done with bring on the new year lol. This Christmas has been a very reflective one for me, anxiety levels have been very high this week to so its been a strange one. 

Freddie woke me up at around 5ish muttering words of "mummy has santa been yet" he was back to sleep in moments so i presume he was sleep talking lol. We didnt end up getting up till 9ish. I brought Freddie in with me and Dean and we went threw his stocking. He was really happy with his first lot of Thomas toys especially seeing as he had specifically asked Santa for those lol.

I then went off to pick up my mum and her lovely partner and brought those back. This year instead of the footprints my brother had left a trail of fake snow (amazing hat you can find in poundland ai lol) Freddie really enjoyed it and went over and saw that santa had eaten his mince pie and drank his milk lol. 

Que the present opening. With a pile of presents almost taller than him we expected it to be a very long morning lol we werent wrong. As soon as Fred found his first pile of Thomas books Christmas seemed to come to an abrupt hault with everyone being ordered to read stories lol. In the end everyone else had to end up opening his presents for him until his drum set was put together and then he jumped on that and ended up having a jamming session with my brother lol (it was as cute and as funny as it sounds honest).

Christmas dinner: I started off with lists of food, timings you name it I had it sorted with my mums boyfriend playing sou chef lol. I donned my christmas cooks hat haha yep seriously! But before I knew it the roles had reversed and i was sous chef lol (keeping the hat naturally) & my mums boyfriend saved the day and together (with a little help from the mother and her marvelous potato mashing skills) we laid out a yummy christmas dinner for 8 (wipes brow just thinking about it). My first vegetarian dinner consisted of toad in the hole with all of the trimmings and lovely vegetarian sausages wrapped in bacon.

This is Freddies little Christmas dinner lol

The rest of the day was fun and games and relaxation. Little man was shattered after a very busy day. My brother in law came over and we all played heads up (if you have an app phone please download and play this game its hilarious). Overall I really enjoyed christmas day this year and I hope all of you did to.

I may do a separate "what i got for christmas" post because I love reading everyone else's ones of these lol.
If you have done a Christmas day post of a what you got for christmas post please comment below because id love to see those :)


Dear diary

Sat on the toilet with a cold flannel pressed up against my left cheek, trying to convince myself im not having a stroke. Feeling pathetic and low. Fighting back tears of anger and upset, shaking from the attack ive just stopped having and scared and anxiously waiting for the next one. Will i ever be free of this disease that consumes my whole life? I feel like im slipping back to that place but i sink my nails into my recovery refusing to hit rock bottom for fear i wont make it back up this time. Here come the tears,that  bittersweet feeling that comes from crying, the emotional release vs the hurt. Im scared, scared that ill be trapped forever, looking over my shoulder and waiting for the panic and anxiety to consume me. Restless legs pacing around trying to get warm now, trying to calm down and find that logical place ive recently met & that i cling on to for some sense of normality. Im tired of fighting against myself, why cant i exist as one human being, why do i find myself constantly battling the poisonous thoughts leaking out of my mind. Im feeling warmer now but with the tingling still in my cheek the next attack is bubbling to the surface, logical mind where are you? I need you. Im shaking again, hand gripping my tingling face, is this all in my head? I need to run away but where do i go, theres no escaping the thing thats chasing me, because it is me. I am my own demon.

I wrote this post last night and i want to publish it in the hope that people thatdon't  have a clue about what this disease feels like have a snippet of what its like. People who suffer with anxiety and depression are not drama queens, we are not freaking out for no reason, these feelings are very real. I stopped writing when the next attack took hold. I left my house and ended up in a crumpled heap on the floor outside sobbing my heart out in dedperation. Its time more support was available. Help me to help others as well as inform you of this illness.

Tis the season to have panic attacks

It seems after being in therapy for about 4months now, this seems to be panic attack season. I have gone from having daily panic attacks to having none since starting my therapy, dont get me wrong I have still very much suffered with controlling my anxiety but a couple of nights ago I found myself having my 2nd attack in as many weeks.

After having the first attack I felt really deflated. I had found it so easy to jump back into my same old routine when I have an attack without even thinking about it. It left me shaken and on edge for a couple of days as I usually find after an attack anyway. I think im almost on edge anticipating the next one. For me health anxiety plays a major role in my panic attacks. After having such a bad health history this isn't surprising i guess, but after having cancer this year it has heightened and left me with such a massive fear of death. I also think its because I have Freddie that death for me just isnt an option I cant even begin to think about leaving him behind, and when told you have cancer that becomes such a harsh reality that its made it very hard to deal with for me.

As ive heard from other bloggers and people dealing with anxiety this time of year seems to really be affecting peoples moods and how they are coping with there issues. It may seem obvious for some that the winter blues often gets people down in general but I think i was totally in denial and naive about just how much the weather can play a part in recovery, and didn't really see it until i spoken to my amazing therapist about it.

My first attack this month happened after writing a separate piece on anxiety for another lovely blogger. I almost felt as if I had written myself into an attack. Although I am in therapy I had never on my own faced up to everything I have been threw, and looking back and almost evaluating and remembering what a harsh and dark place I have come from made it all fresh and raw again. I also wrote it just before going to bed so went to bed with my head brimming and bubbling away with thoughts of anxiety which probably didnt help. Never the less I found my self not quite being able to sleep and as i finally drifted off I was quickly woken up by the unwelcome yet familiar feeling of a pounding heart beat, tingling hands and feeling very cold, my initial thought was no way can can this be happening i thought i had gotten over this ive failed. I was then awake till early hours the next morning trying to make sense of it all. Looking back on it now and talking it threw with my therapist soon made me realise that I needed to have that attack. I needed to realise that realistically I am going to have the odd attack and part of being in therapy is not only to determine what triggers the attacks and learning tools and tips to help deal with the anxiety so they dont lead to an attack, its also to learn how to deal and cope with the attacks when they do happen.

Some people may be wondering why im writing this post on top of Christmas when everyone is supposed to be in high spirits, but i needed to write it to let everybody else out there thats dealing with this over Christmas know that your not alone, because unless youve truely suffered with this yourself you have no idea what it feels like, and during the season of social gatherings and family get togethers people may be feeling the strain that little bit more.

I will be writing lots more posts on this and have been trying to film a video on it for days to make it a bit easier to go into depth with, but trying to grab a spare bit of time to film isnt as easy as id thought lol. Im planning on helping as many people as I can so stay tuned for future posts. If you need help, an ear to listen or a chat about anything tweet me @LauraLou9820 x


Festive nails

With the big day just days away I decided to try and create a festive nail look. I didnt want to start of to difficult lol so i just went for a simple candy cane look. Now when I say simple believe me it was not at all simple lol, I just about managed to do the left hand (im right handed) but the other hand was just a joke and i ended up taking it off that night. But I thought i would share my first attempt with you guys anyway :)

My nails have been really damaged and brittle after having acrylics on a couple of months ago so before i do anything i apply a coat of OPIs nail envy. It contains protein and helps to strengthen an repair my nails.  

I started by applying one coat of red polish to my nails. I left it for about 15mins to dry but in hindsight maybe i should have left them for a bit longer to make sure they were completely dry. It may have made it easier to draw the line on? 
Then I took my white nail art pen which was very good and I will do a separate review on it if requested :) and just drew horizontal lines onto the nail. I am aware I am making this sound way to easy lol so please ladies be prepared to need a bit of patience with it.

This is the final product a very wobbly candy cane nail look lol hopefully its perfected for next week :)


Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life -BertholdAuerbach

Ive been meaning to blog about the most amazing sing a long group i attend with the littluns for the longest time. After attending the Christmas party i just had to try & explain why everyone needs to try and attend at least one of these sessions. 

Harriette is a lovely quirky lady who along with her lovely & lively band create and deliver feel good sing a long sessions to children. I attend her Wednesday & sometimes Thursday session at the church hall of Exmouth Market. As much as id like to say i go for the children i will openly admit i love going for myself lol. All of your troubles seem to dissolve into the air once everybody is singing a long together like one big family. There is a sense of belonging and an amazingly friendly atmosphere to just get swept away by. 

Both my Freddie and the children I look after at work really enjoy the group. In fact Freddie is quite obsessed with it lol. We have to listen to the train song (quite a big hit at the group) in the car everyday without fail lol. 

Harriette and the band are so patient with all of the children and I love the way they make the children feel important and interact with them. 

No amount of reviewing will do this session any justice so please check out their website I will leave it below and if you can make it to a session please so, you will not regret it and I promise you will keep coming back for more :)


Freddie meets Father Christmas

The cutest thing for me so far this season has got to be when my little Freddie got to meet Father Christmas on the weekend. He has been so excited about meeting him since we told him he would meet him whilst we were on holiday. He spent the whole of Saturday talking about meeting him so when the time came he was really excited. 

As we walked up a path lit up by cute fairy lights we came to a wooden lodge. To the left of the wooden lodge was a smaller make shift post office where it looked busy and full of Christmassy jobs being done in time for the big day. Once we made it to the front of the que to see Santa we were greeted by a very tall elf lol. It was all very nightclubby initially, with a 'if your names not down your not coming in' policy being operated on the door lol. It was touch and go for a moment when the elf left a slight pause as if he couldn't find our names lol but we finally made it in to see the big man himself. 

Now I don't know who was more excited my Freddie or my Dean lol but it was a super cute set up. There were 2 little chairs next to Santa (I suppose his conscious of this childhood obesity rise and his saving his knees joints lol) so Freddie sat down next to Santa. The usual questions then happened "have you been a good boy this year" and all of that with Freddie of course replying "yes" lol then came the big question of "what would you like for Christmas this year Freddie" To which I stood with baited breath, only to be able to breathe a sigh of relief when Freddie responded "I want Thomas toys" (phew we've got that covered lol) Santa then handed over a cute gift bag with a lion and some chocolate coins inside, a picture was taken and we were off on our merry way with one very happy little boy.

I love that this year Freddie is able to join in with all the excitement of Christmas and that he loved his trip to see Santa :)


Christmas biscuit making with the kiddies

We had a Christmas themed day at work today as it was my last day this week and then I am off to center parcs for a long weekend with my boys. We decided to make and decorate Christmas biscuits.

I got some really nice festive Christmas biscuit cutters from amazon (sorry i dont have a picture of them and i have left them at work)

I got a simple biscuit recipe online but obviously use whatever one you prefer for your Christmas biscuits. Below is a picture of the christmas shapes once they were ready to be put into the oven before decorating. 


I laid out all different types of sprinkles, icing sugar and melted chocolates and let the children have free reign over how they wanted to decorate their biscuits. They really enjoyed doing it. I gave them all their own individual pots to try and make sure their was no arguing over decorating things. A sign of a good time was when I looked at the table after they had finished and saw all the mess lol.

Here are the finished products :)

I am going to be away on holiday from tomorrow until Monday so i wont be putting up any posts until Monday night where I will feel you in on our festive trip away :) So have a lovely weekend guys & dolls x


Handy Reindeer hat

To go along with my other Christmassy craft project I did earlier this month, my next installment is a handy reindeer hat. Its cute and simple and the children really enjoy it. I started off without any brown paint but it was easy enough to make by mixing the red, green and yellow paint together.

I then got the littlun to do lots of little brown handprints which he loved doing and we had to do endless amounts because "it tickles" lol so we had loads left over and in different colours for extra projects done to :) Top tip: When doing body painting add a little bit of liquid soap or washing up liquid to your paint to make it easier to clean off of the skin.


Once the handprints had dried out i cut them all out and using an old lego box i cut a bit cardboard strip out and measured against littluns head. Once i had my strip of card I positioned the handprints out to make reindeer antlers and once I was happy with the positioning I glued them into place and added 2 googly eyes/


I found that the reindeer ears drooped a bit so i added 2 more strips of cardboard either side for support as shown below.

This makes a really cute hat and if you have some red face paints lying about add a little red nose to your little one to make a cheap and cheerful reindeer outfits for christmas themed dressing up :)

Id love to see your little ones in their reindeer hats if you decide to give this christmas craft ago so please feel free to tweet me pictures @LauraLou9820 If i get a few maybe we could do a little gallery?

Stay tuned for the third and final christmassy craft idea coming soon x


Christmas Traditions

As Christmas day draws closer it got me thinking, now that Freddie is getting to understand Christmas a bit more & really get into the spirit of it all what traditions do we find ourselves doing each year and what new ones would be like to start up.

Now that ive sat down to type up this blog post there isnt many traditions that we have in our house. We do the routine one of advent calenders, and this year as well as his Thomas the tank engine normal calender (card ones with the cheap chocolates behind the numbered windows lol) one of Freddies nans bought him a really nice house one seen in the picture below, each food pulls out and can be filled with whatever you like, its really durable and im looking forward to changing the treats to different themed things each year.


When I was little many moons ago (ark at me sounding hundreds of years old ai lol) me and my brother would always leave the traditional milk and mince pie out for Santa with the carrot out for the reindeer, and seeing as Freddie has been to young to understand we haven't done that with him yet. But now as his turnt 2 this year and is really getting into Christmas we will definitely be rekindling that tradition. Also im not sure if any of you have heard of reindeer food? If not give it a quick google, it seems like such a cute and cheap idea for the little ones. You basically get a little pouch or tube of 'reindeer food (im guessing oatmeal, glitter that sort of thing) to sprinkle outside for the reindeer. I will be starting this up with Fred this year to :)

One tradition we have always had in our house and has always been kept up no matter how big we have gotten are new PJs. Since i can remember we have always gotten a fresh pair of PJs on Christmas eve to snuggle into and this is a tradition we have started with Freddie already. Even as an adult this is one of my favorite traditions (ok maybe i am already a PJ addict but lets brush over that hehe). In the picture below Freddie can be spotted modelling his new Christmas PJs with a cute reindeer on the front :)

Now moving on to a couple of new traditions we would like to start up ...

I cannot take any credit for the following idea as it was all down to my younger brother. On Christmas morning i drove out to get my mum and bring her to our house and when I returned my brother had sprinkled the floor with flour and put his big footprints threw it to create the effect of snowy santa footprints. I thought it was such a cute and amazing idea and one we will definitely be carrying on. I cannot wait for Freddie to see them this year and for us to tell him they belong to Santa.

The only other tradition we will be keeping up with is a pretty obvious one that most people do, which is having a real Christmas tree. I know this may sound a bit daft as most people so this but I am 25 years old and this is the first year I have had a real tree lol. I am so glad we ave opted for a real one this year and it was so fun taking Freddie out to choose it and getting him to decorate it was amazing to.

Well lovelies please let me know some of your Christmas traditions as I am always on the look out for new ones and really like hearing other peoples :) If anybody tried out the snowy footprints pleasssee take piccies i would love to see them :)

Family day trip :)

A mouse took a stroll threw the deep dark wood ..

Freddie is Grufffalo crazy he absolutely loves it and has done from a very early age. So when I found out that it was on in the theatre in London I had to book tickets straight away! We have not long been back from the performance & it was so good, a must see for all Gruffalo fans big or small. The catchy songs were really cute and Freddies favorite character was the dancing mouse lol. Deans was the same but for me I had to go with the cockney Fox, come on now who wouldn't love a cockney fox lol.

Its a different take on the original with lots of singing and dancing but keeping to the original script and story line to, which is important I feel especially for the little ones following the story. The whole thing is performed by 3 actors all of which are amazing and play their roles really well. There were nice parts of audience participation and as the show lasts for an hour I found it perfect timing for my little one not to get to restless and fidgety.

Obviously we weren't allowed to take pictures inside of the performance but im going to share some pictures of our morning below :)


After The Gruffalo we thought it would be nice to grab some lunch out and about and spotted the Rainforest Cafe across the road from the theatre. Ive heard lots of good things about it but also that the prices can be a bit steep, but with a discount ticket we got from the performance we went over anyway. Now i thought that it was amazing and we were very impressed with it. The staff were really friendly and the layout was amazing, the smells, sounds and decor shout realistic rainforest (of course as realistic as you can get in a London restaurant lol). Freddie enjoyed the way the animals move around at timed intervals and loved looking at the big fish tank, he wasn't to sure about the timed thunder storm enactments but soon got used to them.

Over all I thought it was a lovely experience and would defiantly revisit. I would recommend it for a nice different dining experience for families :)



Deck the halls with boughs of holly

Fa la la la la la la la la :)
Tis the season to be jolly .. ok you know the rest lol

Now that the festive season is upon us my nan an now be allowed to decorate the house with the christmas decorations lol. We have had to restrain her from about the last week in November and she still managed to sneak a few bits up before hand. But now we are all full steam ahead in our house and have our tree up. 

We don't usually get a real tree in our house but this year we decided now that Freddie is a bit older and understands more and has well and truly gotten into the Christmas spirit we would get a real tree. So last Sunday morning we all went out and Freddie & his daddy choose a lovely tree. We decorated it that evening to the background noise of Christmas songs. It was lovely to have the real tree up and we will now buy a real on every year. Freddie really got into decorating the tree, he had his santa hat on and after a few failed attempts (with baubles being launched across the room in temper) he finally got the hang of it and kept asking daddy to lift him higher up to decorate more. 

The tree was our domain and then nan put up some more decorations around the living room, with Freddies grandad hanging the reef outside to complete our decorations. 

I am really looking forward to Christmas this year and am super excited to see Freddies face on christmas day.

Crafty Christmas Wreath

One of the things I get excited about during the festive season is getting a bit crafty. I can assure you its not as micheavious as it sounds lol. As a mummy to a toddler and a nanny to a couple of cutie pie boys, I enjoy planning out Christmas craft ideas for the lead up to Christmas to help us get into the Christmas spirit. We have started our Christmas craft with this very simple yet very pretty Christmas wreath.

I started by getting the little one to do lots of festive coloured handprints, he really enjoyed this part as he is a big paint fan and when I was painting his hands with the paint he kept giggling and saying "that tickles". Once we had 2 sheets of coloured handprints we left them to dry, and then I carefully cut around them so that we were left with all the handprints.

Then I laid them out in a wreath shape to get them exactly how I wanted them to look before glueing them in place, with one handprint overlapping the next.

This is such a simple activity but a really nice one to ease everyone into the Christmas spirit, the children really like seeing the end product of what has been made from their handprints.

The Christmas Tag

I'm 2 days late but after seeing the start of #Blogmas I have totally been sucked in and have decided to join in. For those that aren't aware of what Blogmas is, it is where some of the blogging world and youtubers blog or vlog everyday in December. I know it's going to be hard work but I'm really excited to be delivering lots of Christmas inspired blog posts over this festive period :)

Where better to start than the Christmas Tag?!

1. Do you prefer real or fake Christmas tress?
Well this year is the first year we have had a real tree as my nan has always used a fake one, but now my son is 2years old I really wanted to get a real tree so that we could take him out to pick one and bring it home and decorate it, I definatley prefer real trees to the fake trees, the mess of the pines is just pass and parcel of it all

2. You're in a coffee shop in December, what do you pick?
It's just a plain old hot chocolate for me, im addicted to the things lol so winter is a Percy time for me to indulge in my addiction, My little boy is also a hot chocolate fan and we often enjoy a cheeky Starbucks hot chocolate on a Saturday morning with lots of cream :)

3.What is your favourite colour scheme for your tree?
I really like silver decorations for my tree I think they look really clean and fresh, along with some lights I think it really makes the tree sparkle and that is the theme we have kept this year.

4. Giving or receiving presents?
As cliche as it may sound I love giving presents, I really like picking presents for people and trying to pick things that are different and the look on people's faces when they open the presents (and 
I've them lol) really makes me all glowy inside lool.

5. To mince pie or not to?
Not not not!! Now I like a bit of pastry as much as the next girl but I cannot stand mince pies.

6. What is your traditional Christmas lunch?
Now up until this year a traditional Christmas dinner I our house has consisted of Lamb and ham with roast potatoes, roast parsnip, vegetables, mashed potatoes and Yorkshire puddings lol but this year I have become a vegetarian so I am on the hint for a really nice Christmas lunch idea (suggestions greatly welcomed) i am thinking along the lines of some kind of Wellington as I do not like nuts so the usual nut roasts a or of the question.

7. Christmas day fashion
On Christmas day I'll always wake up and have a shower and put on fresh pyjamas and slippers. Any excuse for me to wear new pyjamas lol. I don't usually bothers with outfits or things like that on the day.

8. Favourite Christmas song
Has to be 'Fairytale of New York' by The Pogues

9. What's your favourite Christmas film
I really like Elf, I watched t this week with my other half and it makes me laugh, the end bit gets me all fuzzy inside and I think it's a good reminder to get into the Christmas spirit no matter how old you are.

10. Open presents before or after lunch
We open our presents before lunch, especially now I have a 2 year old I could hardly make him wait till after lunch lol

I hope you guys enjoyed reading my Christmas tag and I'd love to read yours so please leave your blog links in the comments section so that I can check out all of your tags :)
If your doing blogmas come and say hey over on twitter so that I ca check out your blogs to :)


Christmas Jumpers for Cancer Research

Welcome back lovelies :)

So as some of you may or may not know Cancer Research were hosting 'The IN Thing' during the month of November. The idea behind it was that you would host a night in with your friends to raise money for cancer research instead of going out. Ideas ranged from chocolate & champagne nights to karaoke nights in, and then you donate what you would usually spend on a night out.

Cancer Research and the work they do is very important to me its importance plays a bit part in my life because of the way cancer has affected my life and that of my family. With my nan battling against Myeloma (a non curable form of cancer) and myself having a Cancerous Kidney Tumor removed during summer this year I was really motivated and determined to host a night in to raise money for this great cause.

As me and all of my girlfriends love to eat lol i thought i would host a dinner party. We thought a theme would make the evening a bit more interesting and with it being so close to Christmas we opted for a Christmas Jumper theme.

The evening went really well. I made an Indian meal and packaged it all up in takeaway containers to transport it to my best friends house where we held the party. It was really nice to spend time with my friends for such an amazing cause and have such an amazingly funny night in the process. After our meal we ended up playing charades and were practically rolling around on the floor with laughter. So far we have raised a fantastic 120 pounds and are still hoping to add to that total.

If you would like to donate please do so by using my Just Giving page